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Meeting Single Women in Los Angeles (Article for Discoversd.com)
As some one who gives dating tips and relationship help I have many single guys in Los Angeles ask me where to meet local single girls.
Let's start at the beginning: every girl wants to have some guy come out of nowhere and sweep her off her feet. Some of us are more jaded about the reality of that actually happening, but I don't think any of us would complain if it did. You can be that guy. Here's how…
Going out is really popular because for many Los Angeles girls, being social is a top priority. You can find girls EVERYWHERE you go in Los Angeles… ok almost everywhere. Bars and malls are always crawling with girls, even the street downtown is full of attractive women. Don't forget to look in your own backyard, on your college campus, neighborhood coffee shops. Many times the very girls you want to meet are behind you in line at the grocery store or waiting by you to cross the intersection on her lunch break. Meetup.com is a great way to meet people with similar interests that you might not otherwise see out and about.
While women definitely hit up the gym, Los Angeles gyms are one place where I would recommend using caution when picking up girls. If she has her headphones on and face buried in a magazine, chances are she wants to be left alone. Although, if a girl has make-up and a cute outfit on, she probably wants someone to notice her. It's good to have some kind of eye contact and indicators she is interested in you before approaching a woman at the gym.
Find a few hobbies and get out of your house, and you are bound to see there is an abundance of women all around you. If you are not meeting women, you might have a block to meeting them or you could be holding yourself back in some way. If this is the case finding a dating coach or some kind of dating help may be a good idea.
Embrace the Familiar
One of my favorite dating tips I tell my clients is to find your favorite places to go and get to know everyone there. People who are social are always meeting new people and introducing old friends to new friends. Establish yourself at a place you like to go, where everyone knows you, and meet new girls there. Introducing a new girl you meet to other groups of people creates value by showing you are a social person.
Escape the Friend Zone
Stay out of the friend zone. Once you are in, it's hard to get out. I hear a lot of single guys in Los Angeles say things like: "We are great friends but I don't know if she wants anything more…" usually she doesn't, because you already blew it. You must establish yourself as interested in her as more then a friend from the beginning.
One of the best ways to do this is to touch her (apropriately). Don't molest her on the dance floor without asking, unless you would like a drink poured splashed in your face (I actually saw this happen). I'm talking about normal friendly touch. If you watch guys who are successful with women they generally touch a lot and most of them don't even realize they do it. It is natural and appealing to women, and a good way to let them know you are not looking for another "friend".
Another way to ensure you never start out in the friend zone is tease and banter with her. Be aware that there is pick up artist material out there that tells you to be rude to girls to get their attention and lower their value. That doesn't work with girls who are secure with themselves. The right kind of teasing is fun for everyone, and it has her know you like her. If it works she will usually be laughing at what you said, and might challenge you back with some witty teasing of her own.
Don't be too overly excited to talk to a girl. This is known as eager beaver syndrome, and it plagues many men in Los Angeles and all over the world. Talk to her with the same level of confidence you talk to your guy friends, and at the same time allow yourself to be interested in her as a woman. Whatever you do don't be weird around her just because she is pretty. Attractive women can judge in seconds if the guy they are talking to is used to talking to attractive women or if he is "star struck".
If you forget everything else I said, remember this… have fun! Being a fun, easy-going person is one of the most redeeming qualities a man can have. People want to be around people who are having fun and who don't take themselves too seriously.
Insider Dating Tip: Don't ever use a pick-up line you read, unless you get it signed off by three girls first. These store-bought pick-up lines are usually lame and fall flat because they lack intelligence and creativity. You will have a lot better luck making up your own stuff (if you must) or being spontaneous and creative in the moment. This goes for most of the "pick up artist" material you find out there… just don't say no one ever told you it doesn't work.
Jamie Thompson is a well known Los Angeles dating coach and has helped many single guys in Los Angeles achieve their dating goals. Jamie is offering free Los Angeles dating consultations right now. If you are interested, email her at Jamie@TheMysteryKey.com. For more information, visit TheMysteryKey.com.
Creative dates in San Diego that won't break the bank (Article for "San Diego Living")
Who says that you have to spend a few hundred dollars to have a good time on a date? If they had to choose, most women would rather have fun on a date then have a big fancy dinner. Plus it's more fun to do something interesting then the same old dinner date all the time! Stop trying to impress her with you wallet, and start impressing her with your creativity. It means something to a woman when she knows you put some thought into the date. There are different types of women out there who like different things so here are some ideas that you can use or that will get you thinking outside the box.
Some girls are active and really love having fun in an active. They actually want to go out and do something! You will hear them talking about fun things they have done, sports they used to play, and stuff they want to do. A dinner date might not have enough excitement for them anyway. Rollerblading along Mission Beach, stopping to play frisbee might be more her cup of tea. This type of girl might like something like bowling at a hot spot like East Village Tavern or having a day at the golfing range. You can always take a walk down memory lane and check out adult skate night … disco ball and all! (www.sandiegoskateworld.com).
Other girls might not be caught dead in roller skates or anywhere near a disco ball but she always wants to do the new cool thing. Helping out a good cause and having a good time at a hip venue can be one of the most in, yet unique things you can do for a date. One of my favorite charities in San Diego is Invisible Children (www.invisiblechildren.com). When a concert comes to town you sometimes you can get in free the day before to watch the dress rehearsal before the show. There are lots of free performances and art shows in public parks, museums, and amphitheaters you can find simply by looking it up.
Some ladies just want to be treated like one. They like romance and they don't require anything racey, and a rock concert might be a little much for them. Take this sweet girl to Altitude on top of the Mariott in downtown San Diego to snuggle by the fire on the rooftop. They would always enjoy a walk on the Coronado beach with a picnic basket or a bottle of wine. There is a really unique outdoor theatre in Point Loma called the Pearl, if you want to relax and watch a good movie in a great atmosphere.
Of course there is the woman who never wants to do anything twice. You cannot get random or crazy enough for these girls. Take this girl out to karaoke at the Whiskey Girl and do your best Michael Jackson impression, or to a wild and crazy night of dancing and bull riding at the Double Deuce. Stop at one of those picture booths and see who can make the best funny face, or bring your own camera. Say you are from some show and interview strangers. For a fun daytime date go to a swap meet and see who can find the ugliest item. Go to Old Town for an authentic margarita and ride the red tour bus pretending to be tourists or not know English…the random ideas are endless.
Now you can never say you don't know where to take a San Diego girl! Use these ideas or make up your own but either way think outside the box and remember dating should be fun!
Jamie’s "politically incorrect" things to avoid when meeting women:
Don’t comment on other girls or exes being trashy or slutty. Don’t do it, if you ever want a physical relationship with her. It makes her hesitant to get physical with you too quickly. She doesn’t want you to think she is easy and with society the way it is you don’t need to add to the challenges she is already facing about her sexuality.
Don’t be rude or uninterested in her friends… in fact it helps if you go out of your way to INCLUDE them! She cares about her friends and what they think. Hence why they are her friends. She doesn’t want them not to like you. In fact if she is just meeting you her friends liking you or not may determine if you get to see her again.
Don’t be an eager beaver. There’s nothing like making flirty eye contact with a guy who rushes over and asks if he can buy you and your friends a drink, and then proceeds to grill you with questions about your life, hanging on every word. It’s just not attractive if you are too excited to meet a pretty girl who will talk to you.
Don’t be an ear dildo. Yes boys, girls like to talk, but that doesn’t mean you have cracked the code. They do not like to be the only one talking aaaalll the time. Conversations have an ebb and flow, they are like a dance. In other words it takes two! Don’t forget to open your mouth occasionally (ideally words will come out).
Do be the man. If you don’t she will try to. Most women are well trained in dealing with scaredy cats, due to the influx of men who forgot where their balls are. Although she knows how to do it, she doesn’t end up being attracted to man when she is the one acting the male role. She will leave you for the biker dude who can’t put more then three words together at once, simply because she is tired of playing the “man”. Surprise her and take control of the situation. Lead her through the conversation, take her somewhere more quiet to talk, take her to an after-party, or lunch or something!
Don't pretend to be Mr. cool guy. It’s really obvious when a guy likes you and he pretends not to. It shows insecurity + lack of confidence = she’s not interested. A guy who is truly used to having beautiful women around is not afraid to show he is impacted by a woman’s beauty or wit, in fact many naturally smooth men love showing how much of an effect women have on them.
Do not use rehearsed lines. Save that for acting class. If you’ve read books from the seduction industry, great. Make up your own stuff! Nothing is worse then some random guy coming up and using a line he read out of a book and rehearsed in the mirror. It’s not congruent with who you are and that’s what comes across. I once had someone who I was vibing with suddenly bust out lines he read in a book and I knew because I had read the same book…anyway point is that’s when the conversation ended.
Don’t be so damn serious! Have you noticed how the guys who get girls are not the ones moping around in the corner like someone kicked their dog, or creepily staring at the girls dancing? Having fun is contagious, have you noticed how you want to hang out with people who are light hearted and fun? If you’re not having fun we can tell. Lighten up Larry!
Don’t call her too much or be afraid to call her at all. Both are equally unattractive. When a guy waits too long to call after he met a girl, she moves on cause either he is not that interested or he’s too much work. If he calls too soon she thinks he’s desperate and annoying. If you think you made a good impression and you want to see her again, text her something fun right away, and call her within the next couple days.