Chemistry happens in the pauses, tension is built in the silence and seduction happens without words… It’s a pregnant pause where eyes meet for longer then necessary, a brush of the finger tips at the right moment, a regular phase spoken with a sexual undertone, a knowing half smile noticed by no one but the girl it was meant for… The question is why to guys spend so much time babbling on about things that mean nothing, thinking this will somehow seduce the woman in front of you? We are taught to think that is how we get to know one another, and that without talking about all this fluff we don’t really connect with another person. This simply isn’t true.
There is some truth to “getting to know” someone on a social level and talking about your likes and dislikes, career, favorite places to go, etc. These things create commonalities that make it easier for us to relate to each other logically. This also serves as an excuse to like someone… You have heard people say “We have so much in common” or “We have nothing in common” as a reason to be attracted to someone or not. A good reason is all it is, but it’s not the cause. Being attracted to them has much less to do with how much you have in common and more to do with chemistry and sexual tension between two people. Think about it. Have there been times you were attracted to someone that was the complete opposite of you, yet there was something magnetic and sexy about that person so you were attracted to them anyway? This happened DESPITE the lack of “commonalities” as we know them. There was something else that you were attracted to.
I was working with a client and my lovely assistant yesterday and we realized there was no access to become attracted to him because he was constantly talking. His energy was chaotic, busy, and all over the place. In the exercise we were doing he was working very hard to ask questions and keep the conversation going in hopes that there would never be an “awkward” pause. He successfully covered all the bases of the things you are supposed to talk about and was a pretty good conversationalist. Turns out despite all his attempts at connecting on subjects that they had in common, he never did connect/create chemistry with her. She said she felt like he was always thinking of the next question he would ask, therefore not really listening to what she was saying. You can only connect with someone in the present moment. Until we learn how to be in two places at once, you cannot be in the present moment and in the future thinking of what to say at the same time. Because of his continuous talking and trying to keep the conversation going there was no sexual tension built in the silences. If he shut up for a second he would not only build some tension but she would also keep the conversation going! Then he wouldn’t have to work so hard.
What actually causes attraction?
1. Chemistry: Chemistry is mutual connection between two people. You have chemistry with business partners, friends, family, and even very quickly with certain new people you meet. Some people are easy to connect with, therefore easy to have chemistry with. In the example with my client, it was hard to connect to him because he was in his head thinking about what to say and not listening. This blocks the natural, organic flow of sharing with on another. Chemistry happens when something is given and received and then in return given and received, until two people are sharing with each other in a mutually beneficial way. If someone is not open for giving and receiving they are not open for connection; therefore having chemistry becomes difficult, still possible, but difficult. Some chemistry is necessary to create attraction. The more there is the more drawn to you she will feel on a personal level, not necessarily on a sexual level. When my client stopped talking and let there be pauses he naturally connected with the woman he was speaking to, and she gladly picked up the slack, grateful for the opportunity to say something more than a few word answer! Chemistry was created.
2. Sexual Tension: Sexual tension is what separates friends from lovers. If you do not have sexual tension women can’t see you as a sexual being. My client was so bouncy that he was releasing all the tension by talking too much and fidgeting and what not, which makes it damn near impossible to have much sexual tension. Some men are saucy, they just exude sexual energy and they own it, and it’s very difficult to see them as friends even when a woman wants to just be friends with them. I personally have a friend like this. I have to work to keep it casual and non-sexual because I don’t want it to go to a sexual place, but he makes it very difficult! Simply in the way be speaks and moves, it’s all in the subtleties. In the example with my client when he started feeling his sexual nature as a man he slowed down, his voice got deeper, he lowered his gaze, and he let her break the tension. After a few seconds she blushed and started talking about something else. And right there sexual tension was created.
Sexual tension + Chemistry = Attraction
Tip: If you want a woman to be more of a girlfriend type you can amp up the chemistry side of things and if you are looking for more of a casual sexual relationship amp up the sexual tension. You can play around with the energies to find the combination that works for you.