How having fun could save your relationship – Relationship Advice

images-7The third thing I see hindering relationships of clients who come to see me is couples aren’t out there having fun together. It’s easy to get stuck in the mundane of the every day and forget to do things that bring out what made you like your partner from the beginning.

 Staying out of the seemingly inevitable rut
At some point in all relationships there is a pattern that starts to occur.  You fall into a routine of doing that same things together.  This can start to seem boring.  Until you shake it up!  Sounds great right? But how? Think about when you are the most attracted to your partner. What are they doing when they are truly in their element?  What makes them radiate happiness?  What gets them out of their head and enjoying life again?  What turns you on? Maybe they are super sexy when they play that old guitar they haven’t brought out in months or when they are on a little getaway.  Maybe you like seeing her dressed up? Well give her a reason to!  Plan a special date night to somewhere you know she likes.  Does she talk about how much she likes sushi or concerts or a spa day or dancing or little trips or painting or hiking or just cuddling on the couch together watching a movie?  Find out what she likes doing and if you don’t know it’s time to start asking questions. This one thing can save a relationship.  When you try new things together it brings back the spark of newness. Even if something isn’t new individually, it can be new together.

Importance of creating together  
If you’re not careful your relationship can become about your pain.  It can become about the problems that arise and not about the creation of a partnership you want to be a part of.

*** Fun exercise: Try writing a list of 20 things you would do with your partner if time and money were no issue.

You can have her do the same thing! Now see how you can do mini versions of those things, or even the whole shebang for some of them. You will be surprised at the automatic resistance we put up to doing new things without actually considering how we can make it work. Rather than saying “It’s impossible because (your favorite excuse of time/money/tiredness) ask yourself “How can I make this happen in my life this month?”

*** Fun exercise Part deux: Have you and your partner create a list of what you want in a relationship and compare! You may find that you have more things in common than you think and you can start making an effort to give your partner what they want rather than assuming they want the same things as you do.

My man keeps me on my toes
Something I love about the man I’m currently seeing is he comes up with all kinds of fun things to do.  We inspire each other to do new things and push each other to grow.  From concerts to new food to artistic ventures to little getaways, he’s always surprising me with something fun.  One time I said “Let’s go to Mexico this weekend.” And he said “Ya, let’s do that.”  This was Wednesday. We left on Friday.  It was amazing.  In a relationship where you never know what you expect and you’re being surprised by the other person consistently it never feels old and mundane.  See how you can wow your partner.  See what would push the boundary of who they think you are or of your relationship?  This is where growth occurs. When boundaries are pushed and it feels just a little uncomfortable.  Next stop, try this in the bedroom.  Bedroom blogpost coming up next week. :) 

 

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Dating tip from a dating coach: Be comfortable with being uncomfortable

We are always moving toward what we want or away from it, but there is no such thing as not moving.  Our culture is lazy and entitled and we think that things will magically happen or one day someone will just give us what we want.  Sometimes we get lucky and it happens all at once with what seems like no effort, but we paid the price somewhere along the way.  Being lucky is about working toward your goal and simultaneously being open for it to suddenly happen all at once.  If you haven’t put the personal work in on yourself to be in a place where you know you deserve to have what you are seeking you will unconsciously find a way to lose it or get rid of it.  This can happen with anything.  I used to have trouble having more than a few thousand dollars in my bank account at one time so I would subconsciously find ways to drain my money without realizing that’s what I was doing.

As a dating coach I have seen this a lot with people and dating. For example: I had a dating coaching client who was great at meeting women who were not the ones he wanted. He could never seem to meet the kind of girl he dreamed about.  When he found a woman who could potentially be exactly what he wanted, he took himself out by getting nervous and over compensating for his discomfort.  Normally he was great with women, so this was not a matter of knowing what to do or how to talk to girls, it was about him not feeling worthy of this woman even though she was what he was looking for.  After doing some deep personal work on issues he had surrounding deserving to have a happy relationship, he was able to line up what he wanted with his unconscious mechanisms that were repelling what he wanted, he met a lovely woman and has been in a happy relationship for over a year now.  After dealing with the issue that was swimming just underneath the surface he was able to feel good about attracting the right woman for him and there was nothing in the way of that happening.

Moving toward your goals is uncomfortable.  It’s not easy the way just letting our dysfunctional mechanisms run the show is easy.  It requires discipline and dedication while also being able to let it go.  When you let it go it can come back to you, if  you’re holding on to the fantasy of it for dear life, the real thing can’t come in to existence for you.

Growth requires us to be in a constant state of change. Change it uncomfortable.  If you’re not uncomfortable you’re shrinking.  So get uncomfortable.  Take a risk.

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Misery is a product of your own imagination.

Misery is a choice; it’s not even our natural state.  We have to work really hard at it!  But once we latch onto it, letting go can be quite difficult, like a baby on it’s mama’s teet.  We come from a source of infinite love and joy and that is our natural state. Our bodies start to break down when we leave that place consistently for long periods of time.  This is the root cause of much of the illness and disease our culture experiences today.

We are all born happy. This misery stuff is bull shit.  It’s a blatant choice to stick up your middle finger to your own natural way of being.  It’s leaving your hammock on the most beautiful white sandy beach in the Carribean, where you were getting a coconut oil massage from the sexiest person alive, and sipping an orgasmic fruity umbrella drink, for a nude dive with Gary Busey and Roseanne Barr in the sewer underneath Riverside, CA.

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Would you wish that upon anyone??  This is what you’re doing to yourself.  No one made you leave the beach, that was your choice.  You say, “I was fine and then I lost my job/wife/mojo/leg.”  If you lose your happiness BECAUSE of something outside yourself, your happiness is circumstantial and conditional; you can only be happy if particular planets are in alignment.  When things don’t go the way you want them to, you can have whatever reaction you need to, and simply move on or find the lesson and make the best of it.  That’s what happy people do.  Shit happens, and they go back to the beach.  They don’t swim in the sewer.

When you feel miserable you will defend that misery at all costs because you feel like you would only be this way for good reason, and if you are consistently miserable for a period of time it becomes a comfortable, addictive state. You can actually be addicted to suffering! When you’re running the suffering addiction pattern, someone who is happy is a threat to your misery.  So a miserable person will seek out other people, circumstances, and life events to perpetuate that feeling.  They are dwelling in the problems they have created for themselves and they want someone to join, because on some level they know this state of mind is their choice and they need agreement to make it ok to be choosing misery. They don’t have to be accountable to STOP suffering if the people around them are suffering too. This is why people say misery loves company.

When you are not happy and you want to be in a happy relationship you are putting an impossible expectation on your partner.  They are sure to fail, which will continue the vicious cycle of suffering.  Only you can choose to be happy, and you sure as hell can’t make someone else be happy either.  You can only be responsible for your self and let everyone else be responsible for themselves. WE ARE ALL 100% RESPONSIBLE FOR OUR OWN EXPERIENCE OF LIFE NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS.

We always have exactly what we want in life.  If bad things keep happening to you, there is a part of you that wants those things to happen, maybe there is something you need to learn that would end the cycle. Rather than pointing the finger at something outside of yourself for ‘making’ you miserable, own that shit. Adopt of mindset of responsibility and point that finger at yourself. “I’m choosing to make myself miserable about this.”  It kills the excuse of being a victim of an outside circumstance, you get to take back your power and, eloquently speaking, make that circumstance your bitch.  How silly is it to let yourself be miserable because someone cut you off in traffic, dumped you, or even if you get a terminal illness?  Why willingly give your power over to that life challenge?  Does that create a solution or just perpetuate the problem?  No matter what happens the only thing you have control over is the way you react.

There are so many inspiring stories of people who made the best out of getting cancer or loosing a limb. They find a way to accept their circumstances and in many cases they come out a happier person after what could have been a devastating life event.  Let people like this be an inspiration and don’t let anything or anyone take you from your white sandy beach.

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Would you date you?

Ultimately if you don’t like yourself no one else will. Everyone talks about confidence. Confidence is attractive, yes. But there is something deeper than confidence I want to talk about today. It’s profound and deep, it’s abstract and under-rated. It’s self love. I realize this post is called “Would you date you?” It’s important to start with the foundation of magnetism, the art of attraction before skipping to the end. So many people go right to the surface stuff like, what your hobbies are, who you hang out with, how you present yourself to the world, what you do for work, how much money you have, etc. I’m all about that stuff, but it comes after. It’s your personality and people either like it or they don’t and that means nothing about YOU.

In today’s world we are judged by our personality and our character goes unseen. Character is who you are when people aren’t looking. When it’s quiet and you aren’t doing anything and there is no noise to distract. It’s who you are when you are alone with yourself. At that still moment ask yourself, do I love myself? If the answer is no, then you have no business dating around or trying to get someone else to love you. It won’t work. No one can love you until you love yourself.

It doesn’t mean you can’t think you want to improve something about yourself, or you have things to work on, or the other day you were rude to that cashier or short with a friend. That’s always going to be there, it’s part of being human. However judging ourselves for these things harshly over time can start to chip away at the love we once had for ourselves. Everyone one had it once. We are born into this world with it, and it’s always there when we want to come back to it.

We’ve all heard about unconditional love. Maybe your parents didn’t give that to you, maybe they didn’t know how but they tried their best and loved you the only way they knew how. Usually somewhere along the way our parents mess up and don’t love us the way we think they should. Then we blame them for why x is wrong with us. This doesn’t fix anything, so at some point we stop pointing the finger and look inside ourselves where the solutions truly lie… they lie in unconditional love. Good news is you don’t have to learn unconditional love from your parents. If you got it, great. If not, the universal God energy is giving it to us, teaching us how to love, all the time. It’s in the stillness and the silence. Sometimes it’s easiest to feel when you are around a baby or a puppy or a waterfall in nature, but really it’s everywhere all the time.

If you don’t love yourself no one else will. Start there, build a foundation upon which to have a great personality. In fact a great personality will come when you begin to open yourself to love and it will be your true personality based in your character. And it will be unique to you and unlike anyone else. That is sexy. ;)

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Being Happy Is Easy

“While washing the dishes one should only be washing the dishes, which means that while washing the dishes one should be completely aware of the fact that one is washing the dishes.

The cup in your hands

 

. . . There are two ways to wash the dishes. The first is to wash the dishes in order to have clean dishes and the second is to wash the dishes in order to wash the dishes. . . .

If while washing the dishes, we think only of the cup of tea that awaits us, thus hurrying to get the dishes out of the way as if they were a nuisance, then we are not “washing the dishes to wash the dishes.” What’s more, we are not alive during the time we are washing the dishes.

In fact we are completely incapable of realizing the miracle of life while standing at the sink. If we can’t wash the dishes, the chances are we won’t be able to drink our tea either. While drinking the cup of tea, we will only be thinking of other things, barely aware of the cup in our hands. Thus we are sucked away into the future – and we are incapable of actually living one minute of life.”

-Thich Nhat Hanh

I read this and it stuck with me throughout the day.  Every one talks about being present but few people actually practice it.  This is a huge cause of depression and general dissatisfaction with one’s life.  People in our culture tend to live in the future, always thinking of the next thing to do or looking for the next thing that will make them happy.

When you’re washing dishes you’re thinking about drinking tea, when you’re drinking tea you’re thinking about that

Art of doing nothing

awkward conversation you need to have with your boss tomorrow, while you are dealing with your boss you are thinking about what you are going to make for dinner, when you are making dinner you are thinking of the wonderful time you hope you have with your date, and while you are with your date you are thinking about the fact that you have to do the dishes.  And this is the hamster wheel we live in… always thinking about the next thing we are doing.  Thus, never receiving the enjoyment and innate happiness of each moment!  We think we are depressed or unhappy and have nothing to look forward to…  We don’t need to look forward to find happiness, we can enjoy the moment for the sake of enjoying the moment.

Now, I did not used to be good at this being present business, and even after practicing it comes and goes.  I’ll be the first to admit it!  Today I was doing yoga- a practice of BEING PRESENT- and simultaneously thinking of what I was going to eat when I got home and my plans this weekend!  Ridiculously ironic.  It’s insanity to do an exercise about being present and not be present while doing it.  No wonder why people are crazy.  I’ve spent many of my days planning the rest of my days, always already on the next task, as if I could somehow control it all working out perfectly.  Rarely does everything go according to the way I plan in my fantastical imagination anyway, there are always curve balls I didn’t expect that I couldn’t possibly have known about ahead of time.  That’s not the worst of it though.  I missed my experiences completely!

Right NOW is all we really have

Like in yoga today, I didn’t really enjoy my practice of yoga because I wasn’t really in my practice of yoga.  I realized this while I was cooking myself dinner and started enjoying what I was doing in the moment.  Squeezing lime juice and sea salt on my freshly sliced tomatoes, putting coconut oil in the pan and swirling it around, cutting open my organic Chilean sea bass to see if it was flaky and cooked.  It was tough to enjoy the process of making food while I was so hungry, I wanted to eat it already!  But, I was happy in those moments of cooking a delicious meal and it was one of the simplest, most delicious dinners I have ever had.  I know that is a bold statement.  It was that good.

While eating I sat in silence; I didn’t check my text messages or email or turn on Tosh.0 to entertain myself.  I simply sat and chewed, experiencing the flavor explosion of citrus peppered Chilean sea bass with a hint of coconut and juicy tomatoes with the perfect blend of salt and lime.  When I was done I sat there for another few minutes, just sitting there.  I was happy, satisfied, and content in that moment… doing nothing but enjoying the silence with the occasional bird chirping outside.

Being Present in the moment = Happiness and contentment = What we are always striving for anyway.

 

 

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It all starts with the person in the mirror

We live in a culture of ambiguous lines and overwhelmingly large grey areas. People show up when they want, change plans, and never really say no to anything out of fear of either missing out because they let the opportunity pass by or hurting someone’s feelings in the process.  We don’t want admit weakness because we want to be perfect.  We don’t want to see our limitations because we would rather live in a fantasy world where we don’t have any.

Understanding and embracing our limitations and weaknesses seems to us like it would be limiting. Naturally. It’s not though. It opens and frees us up to where we are and where we can go. Many times we are not present to where we are as a starting point and therefore we have unrealistic expectations about where we can go. We end up living in a fantasy, thinking that one day we will magically end up at point B, without ever really knowing where our point A is. Truth is, it’s hard to create a clear vision of a destination when you are not honest about where you are starting from.

We think we are always just a couple steps away. If _____ (insert outside circumstance here) would just change I would have what I want. We are living in a fantasy that promises we will get there soon, but the fantasy never takes us there because it is a FANTASY. Definition of fantasy: the process of creating unrealistic or improbable in response to a psychological need. If you want to find a quality girlfriend and you haven’t dated anyone in a couple years, thinking that you can meet one this week might be a fantasy because unless you clear what has been in your way the last couple years.  If we are choosing to have something it’s real because a choice occurs in reality.  If we are wanting something because we don’t have it and we think we need it it’s a fantasy.

We won’t learn the things necessary to improve on our weaknesses if we can’t admit we have any. If you are anything like me, you like to be superman/woman and have no weakness or fear! YEA RIGHT. We are kidding ourselves. When we can be aware and accepting of our weaknesses and limitations we can accept new information that can support us in moving toward where we are going. If we aren’t honest with ourselves about where we lack we will deny the very thing that could help us because we don’t think we need it! This is a form of self sabotage and can end up being quite self destructive if done over a long period of time.  It stops our growth because we can’t learn something we think we already know.

If we have clear boundaries we can say no to certain things we don’t want which opens up space for the things we do want to come in. Many times we hold on to the things we don’t want in desperation because we want to have something to hold on to!

Perfect example that has all these elements in it happened to me recently. I was dating someone who I had created to be a fantasy. I filled in the holes (things that didn’t work for me about him) with my imagination and created the perfect Mr. Right Now in my fantastical brain.  At first when I realized what was going on, I was afraid to say be honest because I didn’t want to experience the discomfort of the situation that might have been created from being completely authentic about where I was at. Eventually, the fantasy shattered and I realized it wasn’t him I was dealing with; it was my made up, idealized version of him.  I let go of that fantasy, and while this guy is a great guy and would be attractive to many women, it became clear that the relationship should come to an end. Once I set a boundary and let go of the the relationship, it opened me up emotionally and energetically to the world.  Immediately new opportunities that I was not aware of before showed their faces and I realized how many options I had that I was hiding from myself because I was holding on to a fantasy.

 

 

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Change Your Beliefs – Inner Game

Well guess what?  If you’re afraid of being something you probably already are.  Now what?

The human mind is funny because it becomes whatever it thinks about with the most energy behind it.

Many people think they know what this is about and millions of dollars have been made in the self-help and new-wave airy fairy-let’s all just be happy and sing kum-bi-ah industries who claim to teach you this.  My question is, have you tried it?  I did.  If you’re anything like me I put a lot of effort into positive thinking and not too much ever came of it.  In fact, I tried it all.  The Secret  and Ekhart Tolle, seminars with fear conquering ropes courses and workshops on becoming the best you to training’s on life coaching and hypnotherapy.  I even coached some very effective programs in Landmark Education, which claims to not only be positive thinking, but it’s thinking none the less.

I did these things and I still didn’t feel as happy as I wanted to be.  I was happier then most people and doing fine by anyone’s standards, but there was something missing.  I had all the information I could possibly need.  I knew how to think positive and talk myself up all though often this turned into internal arguments with the conflicting voices in my head.  I was applying everything I’d learned as best as I could and doing all the freaken thinking I could handle and I was still not where I wanted to be.

“It’s not what you think that manifests, it’s what you feel the most strongly about that manifests.”

Many times what is beneath the “positive thought” that you don’t really believe is a feeling that you can’t have the thing you are thinking positively about.  The Secret and others started a new wave of being positive and manifesting your dreams, and everyone got really excited about it and then nothing happened.  This is because the way the people felt about having the thing they were thinking about was not consistent with having it.  A few common emotions that stop people from getting what they want are:

Feeling inadequate about deserving it, feeling guilty about having more then someone else or betraying familial belief systems, fear of losing it if they did get it, anger about where they are/not having it already.

Feelings + Thoughts = Belief systems

Belief Systems + Actions = Results

The old way of doing things is to take actions to get results and if you are getting the results you want then you need to take more different actions!  People realized that this was not entirely true and that gave birth to the Enlightened Yogi’s of the 90’s who believed in saving the whales and ignoring all evil.  They only focus on the positive, denying the negative.  Many people in the New Age movement go straight to thoughts and hope that gets them to change their belief systems, ignoring the current truth about how they feel.  When you do this your feelings become like a neglected child who keep getting ignored, it just gets louder and louder until it gets your attention, but in the end it always gets your attention. Suppressed emotions turn into drinking and drug abuse, broken and dysfunctional relationships, low self esteem and extreme lack of confidence, and even disease and pain later in life.

The bottom line is even when uncomfortable these feelings must be dealt with not only for your own well being, but for there to be room for new feelings to accompany the thoughts one is thinking. If you pretend they aren’t there they keep getting louder like the screaming child, AND it puts more and more energy on staying where you are.  Even if you are extremely angry about where you are and you really don’t want it to be that way, you are putting a lot of energy into being angry which is putting a lot of energy into keeping you stuck.

The funny thing is much of the time when the feelings are changed at the core, it shifts the belief system which naturally changes the thoughts to be more in line with what you want so you don’t even have to TRY to do “positive thinking” it happens naturally!  The best thing you can do for yourself is feel what the feelings are behind the negative thoughts.  This starts to reprogram your belief system because the feelings will disappear when you confront them and your thoughts will be more positive.

-Jamie Thompson

Female Dating Coach-Los Angeles

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The hidden secret to changing quickly

If it feels so bad when I do it, why do I keep doing it?  We all have things we do that make us feel horrible, yet we keep on doing them.  Think of your habits and patterns that you do with women that are not serving you.  You might have a habit of checking out or doing the same goofy behavior that no one likes or talking too much out of nervousness.  You know these things don't work but you don't know why on earth you keep doing something that doesn't work!  Today I discovered one of these patterns of mine and have some insights to share.

 

I'm one of those blessed people who can eat a lot and not get fat.  Call it good genes, attribute it to exercise habits, or simply call it a choice, either way I generally stay the same no matter what I eat.  This aside, I have noticed sometimes I eat when I'm not hungry or when I'm stressed out or for no other particular reason other then I think will make me feel better then I'm currently feeling.  When I do this, it only feels good for a few minutes and then I feel bloated and sick.  Then I start wondering why I did such a thing, which quickly turns into negative thoughts about my body, which turns into feelings of guilt and disgust for myself and my eating habits.  This turns into a typical shampoo bottle instruction: wash, lather, rinse, repeat.  Except mine is zone out, eat, feel bad, repeat.  It doesn't matter if I've eaten egg white omletes and broccoli for the last week, I feel like a fat person when I do the zone out and eat pattern.  

 

The only way I discovered this was by watching the process.  One must slow down the automatic unconscious mechanisms enough to see what was really going on.  There is always a lot going on if we can become conscious of ourselves.  This is the first step to stopping the pattern and many people are aware of this to some extent.  It's easy to get the concept, but it takes diligence to do it in reality.

 

The next step is frequently missed.  You must feel the feelings associated with the negative pattern you are running on yourself.  You must feel.  You must feel.  You must feel.  I'll say that again.  You must feel.  The only reason why we don't stop doing something that makes us feel bad is we is we haven't associated the bad feelings with the pattern.  We don't realize we are actually hurting ourselves with the behavior we are doing.  Most of the time if we do feel the feelings, and many people don't all at, we "feel them" after the fact.  It's our interpretation of the feelings at this point.  Not even the real feelings anymore!  We are thinking about a story about the feelings we felt.

 

I saw myself run through a nicely configured series of steps I was no stranger to in the eating experience.  When I was at the really full point where I really didn't want to eat anymore, I zoned back in and realized I felt sick, guilty and disgusted about eating all that.  I abruptly stopped because it didn't feel good anymore.  Normally at this point I would throw the rest of the food away and get down on myself for a few minutes, and then forget about it.  This doesn't stop the pattern because I NEVER ACTUALLY FELT the feelings of disgust and guilt for eating so much.  This time I did something different.  I went into my body and I took three more bites feeling those gross, uncomfortable feelings the whole time.  For the first time my mind and body made the connection between feeling bad and over eating.  In a way I admitted to myself and accepted that this was what I was doing.  It seemed like such a silly thing to do and I wondered why I had never realized this before.  Apparently I hadn't seen this because I wasn't ready to stop it yet.

 

The zoning out is a big piece to be aware of because it's what stops us from feeling and and keeps us blind from what is really going on.  When we go up in our head, it's almost like going to Vegas.  People alway say "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas." because they don't want to deal with what they did in Vegas when they get home. This is "What happens in your head stays in your head."  Because you don't want to feel/deal with what you just did and felt, it never gets integrated into your experience.  Even when we think we are feeling the feelings later, maybe even dramatizing them and beating ourselves up, we are only thinking we are feeling.  It's the memory of a feeling.  The feelings and the pattern remain separate.  I ate too much and I feel bad are not husband and wife like they ought to be, they live in your head as mere acquaintances.

 

Human beings move away from pain and generally try to avoid it.  When one feels the pain of a behavior in the core of their being and sees the connection of that pain to their behavior they have just seen the beginning of the end!  Sometimes we have to be conscious and feel several times to undo the pattern we have created, but it's like riding a bike for the first time.  Once you do it, you always know how to do it, and you have just begun the beautiful process of change.

 

 

Jamie Thompson

Female Dating Coach

Specializing in giving men dating tips and real life solutions about how to approach women effectively, overcoming approach anxiety, and gaining confidence around women they are attracted to.  For more information on how you can get started with coaching email Jamie@themysterykey.com.

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Are you wearing women repellent?

Happy women don't want to be with unhappy men.  To a happy girl, a negative attitude is like mosquito repellent is to bugs.  If you spend your time surviving, being a victim of your circumstances, and not really feeling good about your life, you will attract women who feel the same way you do.  Raise your hand if you want an unhappy girlfriend who complains and has a bad attitude.  No one?  Then it's important to take a look at your life and see if a happy, confident girl would want to be a part of it.  When we look objectively sometimes we are surprised that we might not be putting out the same energy we "think we are" and it's time for an attitude clean up.  They say misery loves company because if most people you meet and hang around with act a certain way, chances are you are doing the same thing.  

 

One of the things that causes a lack of happiness and and fun in ones life is being in frequent survival mode.  Unless you are some kind of gang banger on weekends I doubt you have too many truly life threatening circumstances… even though there is no real danger our mind creates "worst case scenarios" that we become afraid of and our heart rate goes up every time we imagine these things happening.  It's like when the girl rejecting you happens in your head before you even talk to her and you become paralyzed aka rise up into our head to figure out how to live through this situation.  When this happens our emotional system shuts down because our brain thinks there is danger and who needs joy when you are busy saving your life?!   Only the things we need to survive the imagined threat still work.  You don't need things like creativity, love, humor, fun, connection to others, inner-peace, and wit when your life is at stake!   But your life is not at stake and those are the very things that would give you the ability to successfully approach the girl.  

 

With the creative part of your brain shut off, you freeze, can't think of anything good to say, and your game/ability to perform goes down the toilet.  Some guys I see get stuck here and they virtually lose their intuition, humor, and creativity over time.  Said in another way, when you click into survival, you loose your mojo.  

 

Sometimes we can get so used to the suffering of constant survival it becomes comfortable for us, it even begins to feel like love.  Being happy and having fun is unfamiliar and therefore we don't go there because the unknown feels uncomfortable and even unsafe.  This pattern is a big problem in our culture and it's more common then you might think.  People have stopped trusting their intuition, lost their creativity and forgotten how to be happy!  

 

The solution is to practice doing the things that put you in the survival state, notice the fear and relax until you retrain your body to know that there is no real threat.  Then you can approach women with your mojo firmly intact. :)  For many clients watching themselves approach women on the screen in a video feedback session is a great way to rewire their brain in a safe environment.

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If you have to “escape” your life you aren’t doing it right

Something I have noticed lately is how many people don't enjoy their lives. 

 

Many of us hear over and over from our parents, culture, teachers, family, etc. how we should live and what we need to do to be "successful" in life.  We are led to believe that we need to grow up, go to a good college, get a good career, buy a house, get married, and have kids and grand kids.  

 

For many people the joy in life goes away in this process as they are going through the motions and not truly living the life that they want to live.  They are merely surviving.  You can see this on people's faces as the go through life, without any real joy or purpose, just getting by till the next vacation when they can escape for a few days of bliss.  Just to come back to the life they don't really like.

 

IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE THIS WAY!

 

It wasn't for me, and it doesn't have to be for you.  We all can chose the life we want to live and do the things we want to do.  The only person that can truly get in our way is us.

 

I've heard it said "If everyone quit their job tomorrow and just did what they loved, the world would still work."  We all have different talents and purposes that want to come through us and out of us in our lives.  There is something unique that each one of us has to offer the planet.

 

What would you do if you could do anything you wanted?  What would you do if money was no issue?   What kind of person would you be?  What would every day of your life look like?

 

We can choose to be happy in any moment… we can embrace the happiness, the sadness, the discomfort, the pain, the love… ALL OF IT.

 

Have you ever been around someone who was happy with their life?  You just want to be around them.  They make you feel good and inspired to get up and do something.  

 

NOTHING IS A SUBSTITUTE FOR LIVING THE LIFE YOU LOVE.

 

No mystery pick-up line or technique can make you happy or make women want to be around you.  People can see through that stuff, if not right away then they will eventually.

 

Some people are just never satisfied, nothing is ever good enough, and there is always "somewhere" else they could be or "someone" else they could be with that would make them happy.  

 

I lived much of my life like this.  Always thinking I needed to be or do something else to be happy and content with my life.  I had a good life by anyone's standards but I didn't love my life and I didn't love myself.  I was waiting for it to start someday when everything was perfect.  One day I realized someday wasn't coming.  This was a moment that changed my life.  I realized that I could have, do, or be anyone I wanted to be.  I started taking actions to create the life I wanted, in the meantime I began to accept where I was at and love myself even though I might not be where I want to be.  

 

The impact this had was amazing.  People all around me became interested in what I was doing… men and women alike were more attracted to me in general…things started falling into place,,, they started going my way… People and opportunities started to come out of nowhere… I felt healthier and my body even started to change in a positive way.  All from loving myself and where I was at in my process.

 

Stop surviving and begin living.  It's waaaay more fun.

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