Manswers: Pretend for just a minute that you’re not only into my vagina

There are a few things that having a one track mind gets you.

1) Dumped.

2) Laid for 1-4 times, then dumped… maybe 5 if you’re really good in the sack.

That is if you can even get the girl in the first place.  There are two main extremes of guys who are only after the pun-tang.

1) The player: the guy who slept with your sister, and her friend, and…your aunt Eileen?!

On one side they are very self expressed about it and they are not afraid to let any girl know that they are on the prowl for one thing.  In fact many times they are proud of their mission to get laid.  And these guys do get laid.  They might not be happy and fulfilled, and neither are the girls they are sleeping with.  Most of the time they do not open themselves up emotionally which makes it difficult to have fulfilling relationships.  These guys don’t usually start searching for something more meaningful until they have a midlife crisis where they realize that all the supermodels they have banged only temporarily fill the void they feel inside.  It takes them a long time to really experience the emptiness they feel because they can easily mask their vacant core with all the ladies coming and going through their revolving door.

Playahood can be a necessary stage…

Sometimes guys need to go through some sort of a player phase like this to realize they want something more.  It’s hard to battle a really high level of testosterone until they have seen the way they feel when their life is run by it.  They eventually realize that they aren’t getting what they want through all the shallow relationships.  What they crave internally is something deeper and more intimate.  This is when the man hangs up his player hat and looks for a more meaningful relationship; and if they are ready for it they start attracting more quality women that they could take home to mama.  This is really an act of self respect because if you are disrespecting women, you know you are showing that same disrespect to yourself.

 2) The creepy guy: the guy who wants it really bad but never gets it…not even Aunt Eileen.

The other type is guys who are ashamed of wanting to get laid and they try to hide their sexual desires and make everyone think they are really nice and sweet.  THEY THINK if girls only knew how much they wanted to get all willy nilly in the bedroom with them, they would never even talk to them!  These creepy guys are resentful and get down on themselves when girls put them in the friend zone and they don’t get any, they are jealous of the guys to just go out and get it.  Many times these guys join the dating community to become sex machines like the more outgoing “player” vagina hunters.  Sometimes they are successful and when these guys become good at taking girls home many times they eventually get depressed because it isn’t what they always fantasized it would be like.  This is baffling and frustrating because even with all this new validation they think they will never be happy.  This is usually when they become pick-up coaches. :) And sometimes at this point they start realizing that they aren’t getting what they really want and they try something new.

Most of my clients are the second type of guy, whether they made it to the community or not they realized that wasn’t the route they wanted to take.  They wanted something fulfilling and real.  I teach them that there is a different way to go about dating where they accept themselves as they are, without trying to put on an act of what they think an attractive man should be.  They stop performing; if people want a performance they will go to a play.  I help my clients  look for relationship instead of self-gratification.  Relationship starts with their relationship with themselves, what they feel internally is what they will manifest in a woman so we go to work on dealing with and erasing negative programs and creating positive ones.

 

The Perfect Mix: guys can respect themselves and women and still get laid?? Manswers asks…

The answer is yes you can.  Some guys naturally have the desire and ability to create deep connections with women.  Of course they get laid in the process but it is not their quest in life.  Because they aren’t attached to getting laid, they find it happening easily.  Every one down deep in their heart of hearts wants to feel close and intimate with the opposite sex, and further have someone more “special” to them than all the others.  I believe this is the number one cause of pain in our culture today.  Men and women want deep connections but many have no idea how to find them.

The people who get it and are able to experience deep connection with others are not afraid to be vulnerable about their pain.  They aren’t ashamed that they are not perfect.  We relate to each other through our imperfection.  They are looking for someone else to share their experiences, hopes, fears, dreams, feelings, passions, etc. with and they are not afraid to put that stuff out there.  Ultimately we all want someone who will know everything about us and like us anyway.  The ones who get this attract the healthiest, quality women into their life… and of course there is plenty of vagina along the way.

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Manswers-Girls: How do I know if a girl is into me?

No this is not that show on Spike called “Manswers: the ultimate survival guide for men” or whatever it is. There is not pictures of big breasted women in cheer leader outfits doing jumping jack challenges or playing pin the tail on the donkey. This is a different type of survival guide.  It’s a guide about understanding women and how you can be more successful with them.  I get a lot of people asking me the very simple question; how do I tell if a girl is into me?

This question has a simple and many not so simple answers. We will start with the basic simple answer because 9 times out of 10 this is going to be pretty accurate.

Simple answer: If she is reciprocating your efforts, she is into you.

It’s that simple.  If you call her and she calls back, you ask her to hang out and she finds time, you lean in to kiss her and she kisses back, then she is obviously digging your program.  There was a book I read a while ago that was aimed at women who end up clinging to guys who aren’t that into them.  Naturally it was called “He’s Not That Into You”.  The book was about how if men are not initiating contact with you then they aren’t THAT interested.  It’s a beautiful book because as women we tend to make up excuses for why men we really like aren’t giving us the level of attention we would like from them.  I’ve seen many men suffer from a similar “excuse making up syndrome”.

The same lesson from “He’s Just Not That Into You” can be applied to men, except men still need to initiate contact to see if the woman reciprocates.  As a man you generally need to throw out the fishing pole to see if you get a bite.  Women generally swim around looking for attractive fishing poles that are being thrown at them and sort through to find which ones they want to bite.  Some have really great bait on them, some are easier to bite on than others, some have no bait but a really nice pole, etc.  There are many different kinds and it just depends on what the particular woman is looking for.  If she isn’t biting then stop casting your pole near her!  She knows it’s there, she sees it and recognizes it as yours, and she is not too busy to pay attention to it. If the right rod was in her swimming hole she would definitely not ignore it.

Recap: Don’t make up excuses for her not reciprocating your efforts.  If she really liked you, she would reciprocate.  Period.  Maybe it’s not a good time right now?  This could be true.  So GIVE HER SOME SPACE and check in again later.

If you never leave, she can’t miss you. She will learn that you are always there and will take you for granted.  You become one of guys that will forever be in the friend zone if you just hang around with your pole out waiting for her all the time.

Some more signs that a girl is attracted to you:… [Continue Reading …]

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Pick up lines and approach tips for New Years Eve (and any other night)

First thing you want to do on New Years Eve ( and any other night you go out) is check out the environment you are in.  Knowing the venue, the type of people there, and your environment in general is always important.  Walk around like you own the place and notice what’s happening.  The frame to hold on New Year’s Eve is you are the mayor or the party host of the place and are meeting everyone.  A few key things to be aware of when you arrive are:

See what the guy to girl ratio is:  This lets you know how to most effectively approach girls that you want to talk to… I was out last night in New York I noticed that the guy to girl ratio was like 5:1 which is not very positive for a nice gentleman like your self who wants to meet a lovely lady, or a dude looking to hook up.  Either way… the way to approach a girl in a situation like this is very casual and friendly.  This is not the time to be direct and bust out your crazy line that you read on the internet that probably won’t work anyway.  If the girl thinks you are trying to hit on her you will be like all the other predatory tools that have tried hitting on her already.  Once you establish a connection you can be more direct and sexual, but only after you have befriended her.

Notice and connect with groups of girls you want to talk to:  Do this immediately.  If girls notice you walking around looking lost and being anti social you are seen as lower value then someone who seems to know everyone.  At the same time if girls notice you talking to other women on a casual level this automatically makes you safe and more attractive.  Talk to EVERYONE, not just the hot girls, nothing is more obvious than a guy to goes from group to group of hot girls and annoys everyone else.  I  If you have girls with you or girls you know that’s even better!  If not, just make friendly connections that are non-threatening with everyone.  Smiles, hellos, casual situational comments, are all great things to do as you are initially walking by.  This way when you want to come back later it’s not a cold approach anymore and they feel like they know you a little bit.

Notice the different areas in the venue:  It’s good to know where the bathrooms are, where the different bars are, and whatever other random things there are to see in the club so you can later lead girls you meet around and show her random things, take her to the bar, etc. and introduce her to the people that you met earlier because you were being social!  It always feels good as a woman to have a man who leads you through the night and keeps things interesting.  This will help her not get bored, in addition of course to your winning personality. :)

One thing that you have to remember on New Year’s Eve specifically is that every girl in that bar will be kissing someone at New Year’s and as midnight approaches they will be considering their options… just like you are!  This is the time to be more forward about kissing!  Girls be offended at you mentioning it, in fact you might do them a favor if they are not sure who their New Year’s kiss will be.  No one, absolutely no one wants to be standing alone on this night.  My recommendation is to KISS HER BEFORE midnight and playfully make a “deal” that you will be one another’s New Year’s kiss.

A few pick up lines for New Years:

If the club isn’t over crowded with dudes, it’s ok to be a little more direct… Situational is always easy way to go and you can feel her out before you go more sexual or direct.   Ask her to take a picture of you and your friends or hold your drink while you do it.  Playfully tease her about something you notice about her, preferably not about physical beauty.  (Someone asked me the other day if the rings on my purse were earrings.)  Very random and simple but it started a conversation.

“Hey, I don’t believe I’ve met you yet.”

“Not to be that guy that approaches you in the club but I’m going to be that guy…”

This one is super high energy and direct and takes some juevos to pull off… see it done by my friend Psych of psychofgame.com…

“Alright guys, which one of you ordered a male stripper.”

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Sexual Tension

Recently, I was asked "How would a man sweep you off your feet give you butterflies?" And "What is the most frustrating thing you find about guys within the dating community?"

 

 Well, given what I do for a living, I've seen almost everything out there and most of it has been tried on me a time or two re: the PUA Summit post.  So my personal biggest frustration in the community is PICK UP LINES I've heard before, and things that guys say they can't own. If I ever hear something I know, it makes me throw my shoe at him and reconsider becoming a lesbian. The other thing about these lines and routines is there is rarely the embodiment to back up the "game".  I wouldn't call it game if there is nothing real backing it up, but I did not make the rules about what is worthy of being game and what is phony crap that shouldn't be repeated. :)

 

Anyway, I digress. What is missing from much of the stuff you see out there and from men who struggle with being successful with women is sexual tension.

 

If you wanna sweep a girl off her feet and make her head swim, you better be direct, unapologetic, authentic, and you have to feel what you are saying in your body. If you are attracted to her feel that attraction when you interact with her, and that will amp up the sexual tension which is what makes her head swim.  Normal boring conversation with regular guys doesn't do the trick, women love a man with an edge and a little bit of fire. Nothing is sexier then a man who is boldly and openly attracted to a woman.  I see guys try to push their attraction down because they think it makes them seem needy and this is just not true!

 

What makes you needy is needing validation from her.  Attraction in it's pure form isn't needy, it's just attraction.  It becomes needy when you need it reciprocated to feel like yours is ok.  She has to sense that you are willing to let her go if she is not what you are looking for. Women want to know that they cannot walk all over you and take advantage of you.  They want a man with a backbone and a swagger, who are willing to be the man.  Not someone who needs their attention to feel better about himself.

 

If you can't speak to a woman in a direct, unapologetic, bold way, then you are better off sticking to something more situational or indirect cause it's easy and safe while you're building your confidence.  If you go too big too quick you could get in over your head and take yourself out.  The super direct approach could be something you work up to.  What's most important is you learn from your experiences, so as long as you are learning then keep it up!


 

Jamie Thompson

Female Dating Coach

 

Specializing in giving men dating tips and real life solutions about how to approach women effectively, overcoming approach anxiety, and gaining confidence around women they are attracted to.  For more information on how you can get started with coaching email Jamie@themysterykey.com.

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Manswers: Why do women go for bad boys?

Manswers is a section where I answer you questions about women, dating, love, and relationships.  These answers are blunt and to the point.  They are for men, not boys.  Simply comment on a “Manswer” post your name and the question you have and I write another Manswer to answer your question.

 

I have had a number I guys ask me this question…

 

“Why is it that women always end up falling for the asshole bad boy type, while making ME their friend?  Then they complain about these to me.  It drives me crazy.  I’m a nice guy.  Why is this happening to me?”

 

There are two main reasons women go for bad boys:

 

One of the reasons why women are attracted to bad boys is not because they are rude or inconsiderate (though this seems to be the only thing “nice guys” notice about them).  It’s because they have boundaries with women, they don’t let girls walk all over them.  Women are willing to put up with a little of the asshole vibe if it means the man can stand up to her when necessary.  So many men are wimpy and have no backbone to support them when women test them.  If she can knock you off your core or your center, she loses attraction. With the bad boys they won’t put up with bullshit from women.  They like that!  If she knows she can walk all over you she will not want you as a lover or partner, she will want you as a friend… In other words:  YOU ARE NOW IN THE FRIEND ZONE. Your favorite place, I’m sure.  Or not.  That’s why you want to crack the bad boy code.  Well there it is, in the reader’s digest version. … [Continue Reading …]

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Dating Manswers: why do women flake?

Manswers is a section where I answer you questions about women, dating, love, and relationships.  These answers are blunt and to the point.  They are for men, not boys.  Simply comment on a "Manswer" post your name and the question you have and I write another Manswer to answer your question.

 

Why do women flake?  -James (Los Angeles)

 

There a few different reasons women flake.  You must look at the entire situation to know which reason it is.  Seeing it from an objective point of view and not taking it personally are very important.  Here are the two main reasons girls flake on dates in the beginning stage of a relationship or first few dates.

 

1. You were a back up plan. Sometimes women flake because they never really wanted to hang out with you in the first place or they were never that into you to begin with.  Maybe they gave you their number because you were "nice" and they felt bad saying no, they were drunk, or you were so persistent they wanted to get you off their back.  Maybe when you asked them to hang out they didn't have anything else going on and figured hanging out with you is better then no one at all.  As soon as something else happened they decided to ditch you because they never really liked you too much anyway.

 

2.  She changed her mind aka she doesn't FEEL like it. Women change their minds more then the weather in San Diego in March.  One minute it's all sunny and nice, next thing you know it's raining and the street by your house is flooded and blocked off.  (Seriously happens every time it rains!)  She might actually want to hang out with you and then she starts feeling different… like maybe she wants to stay in and watch a movie with a girlfriend… she is having a bad hair day… (not even joking) she forgot her friend is coming in town from New York and she is entertaining… her ex-boyfriend is annoying her and she just wants to "go out with her girlfriends"… she sees something shinny… :-) The point is sometimes her flaking has nothing to do with you at all!!!!!  She might really like you and just not feel like hanging out with you that night. … [Continue Reading …]

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