In the battle of the sexes no one is safe. Everyone is on defense. Whoever wants it more loses and everyone is unhappy. ‘Love’ becomes a competition and the death of true partnership.
A man giving his attention to another woman can lead to his partner to think she needs to change her appearance to be like the model on tv. A woman being cold in the bedroom can drive her partner right to the car dealership for a brand new ego boost. They both still love each other very much.
How do we mend this old and tattered relationship model of making war out of love?
We come together in solution and union. We become interested in how to support the other instead of how to beat them. We care more about being happy than being right. This is way more fun and far more fulfilling.
In the age of alternative relationships, independent women and sensitive men, we are moving into a place where it’s ok to have our own unique balance of masculine and feminine energy and style of relating. More people are becoming aware that they have both male and female energies within, each coming with it’s own unique set of strengths and desires that make up a functional whole. Dating and relationship coaching, relationship dynamics, and psychology being readily available has begun teaching people they no longer need to see themselves as pieces looking for their other half.
Let’s stop the war and give each other what we need. Let us first realize what we personally need and learn to give it to ourselves. Then we are available to receive what we want from a partner. It’s a movement I’m calling the ‘cooperation of the sexes’. In the spirit of cooperation let’s talk about relationship dynamics and differences.
Want to make a woman happy?
Let her know she’s sexy AND that she is beautiful. Feminine energy wants to be noticed both inside the bedroom and outside. It likes to feel beautiful, experience pleasure and to be noticed by the masculine. As a busy man it’s easy to get so caught up in achievement that you forget to appreciate the woman you’re with, and without realizing it you can easily add the insecurity about her own beauty that she may already be placing on herself.
If you feel like your lady is feeling down on herself…
Are you putting conscious attention on appreciating her?
Are you taking a moment to notice what kinds of things make her feel sexy and what kinds of things make her feel loved?
If you don’t know… ASK!
Instead of saying “Why are you boring in the bedroom?”, say “What makes you feel sexy?”
If a woman doesn’t feel special in her relationship and doesn’t know how to communicate that effectively, she looks elsewhere to fill that need. This doesn’t necessarily mean cheating but it can lead to that. Many times it just means getting attention. It can also lead to shutting down sexually or withholding sex. If she doesn’t learn to feel special and beautiful in herself, no man will ever be able to provide this for her and no amount of adoration will be enough. Our culture perpetuates this insecurity with celebrity culture, TV, media and beauty products. It’s time for men and women to come together to dismantle the ‘beauty validation shadow’ that has been created, so that the feminine can reclaim it’s divine essence which is true & innate beauty.
And how do we make a man happy?
Tell him he’s the man! Honor his man hood. Male energy wants to feel useful. It likes action and to be of service to the feminine. Men just want to know what to do to make you happy so they can go do just that. As a highly capable modern woman it’s easy to unintentionally emasculate a man by being so self-sufficient that he feels unimportant and unnecessary in your life and looks for ways to be of service to the feminine elsewhere. This makes a woman angry… and the vicious cycle creating the battle of the sexes begins.
If your man’s attention is waning…
Instead of getting mad and pulling away sexually, ask some questions.
How else can you support him in feeling like your man in the bedroom and in life?
Maybe you could ask him about what makes him feel like the man.
Are you receiving his attempts to honor you?
Underneath it all men cheat because they are trying to find someone who thinks they are important, somewhere their presence matters. For many men they don’t feel useful to THEMSELVES so they keep looking for their value in other women, never feeling satisfied. When he doubts his masculine worth, many times he withholds love. Ladies, you can help by letting him know he’s valuable and respected, allowing him to carry the suitcase, drive the car, fix the computer, or whatever his way of serving may be. Most of all men love when you ask them for help and trust them with your vulnerability.
*Sometimes men carry a lot of feminine energy and they frequently display feminine energy’s characteristics and visa versa. This does not mean anything other than we all have a balance of both male and female energies within us and being a man doesn’t necessarily mean we have mostly male energy. Wherever your balance sits is perfect for you and there are other people out there whose balance is a great match for yours.
The silent killer of relationships
I’m the master of pretending I don’t need anybody. I’ve done it so much I unintentionally convinced myself and many of my partners that I don’t need them, that I have it all together, and they need to measure up to my personal standard of perfection. Naturally, this leads to people feeling like shit. My personal standard of perfection is terrifying and impossible for anyone to achieve. The interesting part is this couldn’t be further from the truth about how I actually feel.
I also have insecurity that is covered up by pretending to be confident when I’m not. What I really want is for someone to see who I really am and still love me. Bingo. That is the one thing we all crave. No one can love us in spite of us if we don’t let them see us. After becoming aware that my standard of perfection was being held up for my partner, I’ve been making a conscious effort to share my soft spots instead of cover them up, allowing her to love me anyway. This has brought us much closer and my honesty has allowed her to feel more confident in my presence. For those who have perfectionistic tendencies like I do, it takes a conscious effort to be vulnerable. It will mean the world to your partner and to your relationship.
In the battle of the sexes women and men are different
Sometimes with opposing needs and desires
But in the cooperation of the sexes we see the other as a mirror
Teaching us about our own male and female energy
Learning to interact with our partner is learning to interact with ourself
Finding balance in our relationship is finding balance within ourself
Our partner is showing us what we need work on
When we see it this way, we stop blaming them for not giving us what we need
We begin giving ourselves what we need
If we do this internally and they are not an external match for it, they will either step up or step out
Making space for someone who is a match
The divine marriage emerges from inside