The third thing I see hindering relationships of clients who come to see me is couples aren’t out there having fun together. It’s easy to get stuck in the mundane of the every day and forget to do things that bring out what made you like your partner from the beginning.
Staying out of the seemingly inevitable rut
At some point in all relationships there is a pattern that starts to occur. You fall into a routine of doing that same things together. This can start to seem boring. Until you shake it up! Sounds great right? But how? Think about when you are the most attracted to your partner. What are they doing when they are truly in their element? What makes them radiate happiness? What gets them out of their head and enjoying life again? What turns you on? Maybe they are super sexy when they play that old guitar they haven’t brought out in months or when they are on a little getaway. Maybe you like seeing her dressed up? Well give her a reason to! Plan a special date night to somewhere you know she likes. Does she talk about how much she likes sushi or concerts or a spa day or dancing or little trips or painting or hiking or just cuddling on the couch together watching a movie? Find out what she likes doing and if you don’t know it’s time to start asking questions. This one thing can save a relationship. When you try new things together it brings back the spark of newness. Even if something isn’t new individually, it can be new together.
Importance of creating together
If you’re not careful your relationship can become about your pain. It can become about the problems that arise and not about the creation of a partnership you want to be a part of.
*** Fun exercise: Try writing a list of 20 things you would do with your partner if time and money were no issue.
You can have her do the same thing! Now see how you can do mini versions of those things, or even the whole shebang for some of them. You will be surprised at the automatic resistance we put up to doing new things without actually considering how we can make it work. Rather than saying “It’s impossible because (your favorite excuse of time/money/tiredness) ask yourself “How can I make this happen in my life this month?”
*** Fun exercise Part deux: Have you and your partner create a list of what you want in a relationship and compare! You may find that you have more things in common than you think and you can start making an effort to give your partner what they want rather than assuming they want the same things as you do.
My man keeps me on my toes
Something I love about the man I’m currently seeing is he comes up with all kinds of fun things to do. We inspire each other to do new things and push each other to grow. From concerts to new food to artistic ventures to little getaways, he’s always surprising me with something fun. One time I said “Let’s go to Mexico this weekend.” And he said “Ya, let’s do that.” This was Wednesday. We left on Friday. It was amazing. In a relationship where you never know what you expect and you’re being surprised by the other person consistently it never feels old and mundane. See how you can wow your partner. See what would push the boundary of who they think you are or of your relationship? This is where growth occurs. When boundaries are pushed and it feels just a little uncomfortable. Next stop, try this in the bedroom. Bedroom blogpost coming up next week. :)
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