How having fun could save your relationship – Relationship Advice

images-7The third thing I see hindering relationships of clients who come to see me is couples aren’t out there having fun together. It’s easy to get stuck in the mundane of the every day and forget to do things that bring out what made you like your partner from the beginning.

 Staying out of the seemingly inevitable rut
At some point in all relationships there is a pattern that starts to occur.  You fall into a routine of doing that same things together.  This can start to seem boring.  Until you shake it up!  Sounds great right? But how? Think about when you are the most attracted to your partner. What are they doing when they are truly in their element?  What makes them radiate happiness?  What gets them out of their head and enjoying life again?  What turns you on? Maybe they are super sexy when they play that old guitar they haven’t brought out in months or when they are on a little getaway.  Maybe you like seeing her dressed up? Well give her a reason to!  Plan a special date night to somewhere you know she likes.  Does she talk about how much she likes sushi or concerts or a spa day or dancing or little trips or painting or hiking or just cuddling on the couch together watching a movie?  Find out what she likes doing and if you don’t know it’s time to start asking questions. This one thing can save a relationship.  When you try new things together it brings back the spark of newness. Even if something isn’t new individually, it can be new together.

Importance of creating together  
If you’re not careful your relationship can become about your pain.  It can become about the problems that arise and not about the creation of a partnership you want to be a part of.

*** Fun exercise: Try writing a list of 20 things you would do with your partner if time and money were no issue.

You can have her do the same thing! Now see how you can do mini versions of those things, or even the whole shebang for some of them. You will be surprised at the automatic resistance we put up to doing new things without actually considering how we can make it work. Rather than saying “It’s impossible because (your favorite excuse of time/money/tiredness) ask yourself “How can I make this happen in my life this month?”

*** Fun exercise Part deux: Have you and your partner create a list of what you want in a relationship and compare! You may find that you have more things in common than you think and you can start making an effort to give your partner what they want rather than assuming they want the same things as you do.

My man keeps me on my toes
Something I love about the man I’m currently seeing is he comes up with all kinds of fun things to do.  We inspire each other to do new things and push each other to grow.  From concerts to new food to artistic ventures to little getaways, he’s always surprising me with something fun.  One time I said “Let’s go to Mexico this weekend.” And he said “Ya, let’s do that.”  This was Wednesday. We left on Friday.  It was amazing.  In a relationship where you never know what you expect and you’re being surprised by the other person consistently it never feels old and mundane.  See how you can wow your partner.  See what would push the boundary of who they think you are or of your relationship?  This is where growth occurs. When boundaries are pushed and it feels just a little uncomfortable.  Next stop, try this in the bedroom.  Bedroom blogpost coming up next week. :) 

 

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Vulnerability – your secret weapon (Relationship advice)

4 keys to healthy relationships: 2nd Key is Vulnerability

images-1The second thing happy couples have that I find missing in people who come to me with relationships on the rocks is vulnerability.  I’m putting this in a separate category as communication because you can have good communication and still not share the deep stuff.  The deep stuff is what bonds us together and makes us really trust certain people and feel comfortable around them. When we show someone our true self and they still love and accept us, we immediately feel more love for them.  When they open up to us it also draws us closer.  This is why family and childhood ties can be so deep.  This is why it can be really hard to let a past partner go – vulnerability creates attachments.

We associate our level of relationship based on how much we reveal to someone and how much they reveal to us.  This is the same reason that the very first night I met my current partner I felt like I’d known him for years. Very quickly I felt like he knew me better than all my family and any of my childhood friends.  Vulnerability causes attachments and bonds that run deep so when a relationship has vulnerability present there is a very palpable bond between two people.

There is an article I posted on my Facebook page: http://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/11/fashion/modern-love-to-fall-in-love-with-anyone-do-this.html

In this article it talks about how there is a science to falling in love.  As much as we want to believe it’s magic, it’s really not, or at least not entirely.  They say if you ask these 36 questions and stare into the eyes of a complete stranger for 4 minutes uninterrupted you are well on the road to falling in love.  I’m glad there is proof to this now so people can research it when I say that going deep and asking personal questions in dating is a good idea.  By the time you are in a committed relationship keeping this kind of sharing going insures your longevity and closeness with one another.

If you start sharing more personal things about yourself and your feelings and past experiences with your partner they will start doing the same thing.  It’s called investment.  When one person invests, it’s natural for the other person to feel more comfortable investing as well.  Somebody has to get the ball rolling and pretty soon it becomes normal to be sharing the deepest parts of yourself with the one you hold so close.

If you or your partner isn’t willing to invest, they may have a wall and it can take time to break that down but it’s important that you take the time to work on it.  You can give them space to do so and maybe encourage they talk to a professional relationship coach about it first if there is a particular past event they are uncomfortable sharing.  Make sure they know you love them and you want to love all the parts of them, even the ones they are uncomfortable sharing.  If you’re concerned about sharing something really personal sometimes having a professional help facilitate the conversation is helpful.  The point is to start sharing more with each other.

Los Angeles Relationship coach. Los Angeles Dating Coach. Relationship advice. Dating tips.

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Dating Tips – Are you boring? Ask the dating coach!

When women first start seeing someone they want it to be exciting and fun.  They expect it to feel a certain way and if it doesn’t they think it’s because they don’t like you that much.  You might be perfect for her and she doesn’t even know it because you are mistakingly hiding how great you are!  Even if she does like you but dating you doesn’t feel as exhilarating as she thinks it should or remembers it being before, she may lose interest and something that could have been great doesn’t even get explored.

There are two extremes: on one side of the dating spectrum are the guys who are deceivingly great “daters”.  They are great at taking a girl on the emotional ride she wants to go on.  He knows that in the beginning of dating him she wants to feel like she is being led by through the process of getting to know one another.  He makes this fun and exciting and therefore she’s happy.  The more serious stuff can be saved for later, she doesn’t need it yet.  She is on an emotional ride and her logical mind might not be engaged because she is on the cloud 9 of her emotions.  But when it comes time to share the more personal aspects of life, experience deep intimacy, and function more as a unit he has no idea what to do.

He’s good at creating an emotional experience to get her to shop at the store but he doesn’t have any items she needs for sale.  After a while she doesn’t want to go back to that store anymore, it seems great but it’s all empty boxes.  Confident women don’t take a man like this seriously and they will want to keep it casual or stop hanging out because he’s not comfortable exploring deeper realms.  Occasionally a guy like this will lasso a needy, insecure woman who unconsciously wants to be in a relationship with someone who is unavailable.  Then he wonders why “all women are needy”.

On the other side of the spectrum, some guys are great, and definitely boyfriend material, but they lack the ability to take a girl on the ride that she needs to go on to feel interested in finding out more.  They suck at dating.  In the example I gave earlier, they have a great store but terrible marketing so she doesn’t know she wants to go in.  Once she does get in she loves it and wants to stay because the store has so much to offer!  The good news is this is an easier problem to fix than being shallow and afraid of intimacy.

As a dating coach I get a lot of clients like this second type of guy and many times they don’t realize that there is one mistake they are making that is messing with their mojo.  Really, all guys can benefit from this, every human being can benefit from this!

Be unpredictable.  Shes bored by dating you!  If you are being unpredictable and she doesn’t know exactly what’s coming next she is always eagerly waiting to see what you will do.  If you turn dating you into a boring, mundane task and it’s not interesting enough to keep her attention, she thinks it’s because “you’re not right for her” or “you want different things” or you don’t have “anything in common” or any other of the plethora of excuses women use as to why they don’t want to see you anymore.

Do something different and shake things up a little.  Human beings have an extraordinary ability to get into a rut.  Being dynamic is sexy!  It doesn’t mean you are changing your personality, just that you’re improving it.  It will be a good exercise to expand your comfort zone of what you normally do and how you normally act.  If you are usually serious, try joking around and being a little goofy.  If you are normally the boring dinner date guy, DO SOMETHING FUN for a change.  I know the typical dinner date can be fun, but let’s face it, it’s usually not… at least when you first start dating someone because you just sit there and stare at eachother over half eaten food, trying to make conversation.  Why not go to a museum, bowling, hike, picnic on the beach, outdoor concert or even an improv show?  Take her to a hole in the wall instead of a chain at the very least.

If you want to find out if you are being unpredictable or you have a story or question email me at jamie@themysterykey.com and I’ll make a post about it.

Sincerely,

Jamie Thompson

Dating Coach

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Worst reason ever to want a relationship

…So it will make you happy.  No one wants to be with someone who isn’t happy already or who needs them to be happy except someone who is also unhappy who needs someone to make them happy… and guess what?  Those two will probably not be happy together.  If they are happy for a little while they will eventually go back to being unhappy and point finger at each other for being the one who made the unhappy person unhappy again.

Dysfunctional relationships happen when someone is looking for something in someone else that they don’t think they have in themselves and they want to use the other person to get it.  Trying to fill the hole with someone only makes the hole deeper.  Many times the person patches it up for awhile, but much like putting a band-aide on a gaping wound, it eventually doesn’t do the trick anymore and the wound starts bleeding.  It’s pretty graphic, but so is this hole we want to fill.  Then we get mad at the person who stopped filling it, blaming them for our hole!  Because they covered it up for a while we think it’s their fault that it’s still there.  No one can make you unhappy.  You are one who went searching for something to fill the hole, don’t be mad when all you find is dirt. :)

We have everything we really want already inside us.  Everything you think you want outside yourself actually can be followed back to a feeling you desire to feel internally.  When you can feel the experience that you wish to have internally more frequently you start resonating with more experiences that would have you keep feeling that way.  It’s like when you are in a great mood and having a wonderful attitude people are so nice and all is good in the world.  If you are having a bad day everything seems to suck and people are assholes.  The more often we live in the experience we wish to have, the more often we will notice things happening that cause us to feel that way.  This is no coincidence.  Like attracts like.  Birds of a feather flock together.  You get the point.

People want to be around happy people.  If you are being anything but happy, don’t go out looking for someone to change that for you.  Rather take a look at what the hell you think is so bad about your life.  A wise friend once told me “If everyone threw their problems into a pile and you saw your other options, you would want your problems back”.  Try being grateful. Try smiling.  Try laughing.  Try being generous.  Try making an animal noise. (that works for me every time) Just do something!

If you stop telling yourself a story how bad things are, you will find that there is happiness in that moment and in every moment.  It’s waiting for you to stop pushing it away.

 

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Dating tips: Tension is your friend

As human beings, we associate tension with being uncomfortable.  The interesting thing is that “discomfort” is actually a positive thing.  Running from it means running away form what you want.  Take relationships for example: when you first meet someone, there is that energy that we often refer to as awkwardness that happens between two people who like eachother.  This awkwardness is tension and it’s a good thing.  It happens because of two things, without these two things there is no tension.  No tension = no second, third, fourth, 1000th date.

1. We care about what the other person thinks, does, and how they respond to us. There are differing degrees of how much we care, but we can all admit that the ones who raise our blood pressure are the ones we like the most.  Of course some dimwit you are on a first date with that is not that attractive to you, isn’t going to raise your blood pressure, and hopefully they don’t get a second date from you.  Good rule of thumb: if they don’t have an effect on your body chemistry, they aren’t right for you.

If no one ever makes you a little nervous, I am shocked at how incredibly shut down you are.  I thought I had seen it all! :) Perhaps you are, in fact, not a human being… but most likely, you haven’t met the right girl(s) yet!

If every girl makes you nervous, you need to become more comfortable around women, especially ones you are attracted to.  This comes from experience being around them.  No amount of dating tips will help you until you see women as people and are no longer intimidated by them.

2. We wonder what will happen next in the interaction, which is because we care.  This is also illustrated in watching a great suspensful movie or tv show.  When I watch The Walking Dead my heart pounds as I hope that a zombie is not waiting for them right around the corner.  This doesn’t happen for me when I watch Revolution.  Nothing happens to my blood pressure and I don’t really get nervous, I’m more focused on the flaws in the plot or characters.  It doesn’t make me wonder what was going to happen next!  Just like dating, when there is a healthy tension, unimportant or even important flaws can easily be over looked.  But when there is no tension, it’s all you can focus on.  This is why Revolution did not get a second date with me.

If she doesn’t care and she doesn’t wonder what’s going to happen next, there is no tension.  If there is no tension, there is probably no second date, relationship, or nookie for you.  So rather then run from the tension, move toward it with open arms and a closed mouth.  Drooling is not sexy.  This means if you feel nervous because the air between you is thick and there is an awkward silence and she blushes, it’s working!  You’re a human being who is navigating their way through the magnetic energy that occurs between two people when they are attracted to each other.  We don’t like it because it’s uncomfortable at first, but a piece of relationship advice, learn to appreciate the tension and relax into it.  It’s easy when you truly realize it’s a good thing!  Be ok with having perfectly natural human experiences.  They key lies in how you use the tension, not in trying to get rid of it.  Getting rid of it makes it boring.  Don’t be boring.  Embrace your humanity.

Dating tips and relationship advice coming up on tension and how it creates longevity and happiness in relationships.

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Did you put on your woman repellent tonight?

They are selling it at your local Ed Hardy T-shirt store.  Like these lovely specimens on the left, most men think they know what to do with the ladies… even if they don’t. It’s difficult to know what you are doing wrong, but easy to identify it in other people.  Most men put on their favorite cheesy drinking t-shirt and give it the old college try, just like they did the last time they failed miserably at the bar.  Maybe this time the outing can be more educated, after all you’re not in college anymore.

I will only say this once.  Do not wear Ed Hardy gear, it is about as attractive as dousing yourself in a blend of sheep, cat and llama pee.  Burn your Ed Hardy clothing, don’t even give it to the homeless.  They deserve better.

There are many things guys do when out at the bars that make women want to throw up in their mouth.  If you can’t identify these 3 types of guys, then you may be dangerously close to being one of them so pay attention.

 

1.  Stage 1 Creepers

Ricky Ricardo and the constant creepers stand stiffly in the corner with their drinks, robotically eye molesting at all the girls in the bar like transformer gagatrons.  These guys are extreme but every girl knows what group I ‘m talking about because there is one in every bar.  Guys, you are better off socializing with the girls they are attracted to or staying home and saving your money!  Heavens to Betsy, don’t just stare at them or do the awkward shifty eye wink.

Even if you say hi to a girl and it doesn’t go anywhere, it’s nothing to take personal because if you leave a good impression and you see her later it’s easier to continue and conversation where you left off, then start from “Hey, I was staring at you for about 3 hours over there in that corner and I just had to come say hi…”

 

2.   Eager beavers

Women shudder when they walk up and again when they walk away.  They are the overly excited puppy dog gang, searching for any thing with female parts to latch onto, waggling their little tails about the bar. (yes, I said waggling)  These guys act like they have never seen a girl before, or maybe like they just railed some high octane methamphetamine, or both.  Perhaps you could try sedating yourself before entering the establishment.

Girls can sense when a guy has not been around girls.  It appears like they have an ankle braclet they give parolees on house arrest and it shocks them with a certain edgy nervousness any time someone with lovely lady lumps enters a 30-foot radius. I know she’s gorgeous guys, but it’s good to get used to hanging out with and being normal around girls as friends.  Treat them like you treat your guy friends, they are people too!  If you put women in some special superior category you will act weird around them.  A man is more desirable if other women desire him so even bringing out some of your girl friends is a good idea too.

 

3.  Too Kool McGoulds

They take longer to get ready than me when I’m being slow.  They only talk to those who are a part of their double x secret club.  They wear scarves in the summer and over wax their man brows.  When an attractive girl smiles at them they pretend not to know or care, suffering from delusions that this makes them appear famous, rich, fabulous, and therefore more attractive.  That look she shot you was your in!  Their withdrawn arrogance is a facade and everyone sees it but them.

If men have their guard up like this all the time, women are going to match it and be closed and cold, armed with their bitch shield to protect them.  Both parties want to get to know each other but neither will get off the cool train, so it quickly becomes a stale mate situation.  Pretending she doesn’t exist makes her wonder why you are so inaccessable for about 4 seconds and move on to another.  You leave the bar with your scarf and your bar tab and no one on your arm.  Flirting with a girl and being engaging turns her on and it’s a lot more fun for you because you get to do something other then pretend to be cool.

In your next bar outing, leave these three personalities at home and try being friendly, fun, and social.  Go out with some friends, maybe even some girls you know.  Give the open and flirtatious way a shot or the old college try, whichever you prefer. :)

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Don’t Mistake Friendliness for Wanting Your Magic Stick

If you are seeking validation and attention starved, an egomaniac who thinks everyone adores you, or you’re simply ignorant and unaware. it’s easy to turn a polite conversation with a girl into something entirely different.  You can do this if you want but don’t be surprised when she doesn’t get the memo.  It’s easy to simply not see what is really happening when you don’t know what signs to look for.

The other night I was out with some friends and we met some guys, one of which was really digging my friends program.  She is a nice, non-confrontational person and his group of friends seemed to be the most entertaining to say the least, so naturally she was going along with it.  At one point there was another guy hanging out near us and she left “Magic Stick” to talk to him.  “Magic Stick” then got jealous and stole her attention back.  When it was time to go he asks her to hang out and she says, “Let’s all hang out sometime.” and they exchange numbers.  Later he asks her to hang out and she ignores his call and texts.   I rolled my eyes when she told me he wanted to meet up with her for drinks the a few days later because I knew exactly what had gone on just by observing the nights events.

 

 

2 things happened that are dead giveaways that she does in fact NOT want your magic stick:

1– She left as soon as another opportunity arose that she could still stay near her friends and not have to talk to “Magic Stick” anymore.  If the two of you have been talking for a while and she is really into you she isn’t going to turn around and talk to the guy behind you…that was the dead give-away.  Girls won’t usually go too far from their friends unless they are really hating life.  If their friends are having fun many times they will endure the social discomfort of being hit on by someone they aren’t into and make friendly conversation.  Sometimes, and in this particular case they will play along with it and even fuel the fire for fun until someone else conveniently shows up.  There is nothing wrong with this, many interactions that happen in bars and social events are like this because LIKING SOMEONE AT A BAR AND WANTING TO HANG OUT WITH THEM AGAIN ARE TWO ENTIRELY DIFFERENT ANIMALS.

Acting out of jealousy never gets the girl.  If leaves and you get jealous and go find her you have just locked in a pattern that doesn’t serve you.  The pattern is she runs and you chase her, just like 4th grade (some things never change.)  So remembering back to 4th grade, what happens when you don’t chase her?  She comes walking right back up to you to see why the hell you didn’t chase her!  The game we are still playing today began with a boy and girl on a playground.

2– “Let’s all hang out sometime” is a boner killer.  Let it be a boner killer.  Let it go.  It means she just wants to be friends, at least for now.  The dead giveaway is A-L-L.  When a girl says “Let’s ALL hang out sometime”, it is girl code for “You’re cool and I’m probably down to hang out again BUT I don’t want to hang out with you alone.” Let that sink in next time you hear something like that and respond accordingly.  Not every girl has to be a hook-up, you can have female friends as well.  Who knows, through her you might meet someone you have mutual chemistry with.  If you keep it casual and lay off, showing her you aren’t going to try and jump her bones there could future outings.  She might even appreciate the space you have given her and start liking you!  I’ve personally had this happen when I just wasn’t in the mood and later realized a guy was cool and someone I would like to hang out with because he gave me the space to think about it.

If she isn’t digging you the way you are digging her move on.  You deserve to like someone who likes you back.

 

 

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Releasing the sex kitten from it’s cultural cage

I am writing this to clarify a myth that is old and outdated but people still use it much like those who won’t give up their beloved blackberries. hehe  The myth is “All men want is to hook up and all women want are relationships”.

Where does this come from?

It goes back to our very biology.  Women are programed at a biological level to mother and take care of her offspring to ensure the human race continues to exist.  Naturally with this as a core level function for being here a woman wants to be with one man so when she starts hatching little ones someone is there to provide for them while she stays at home in the tipi to raise the kids.  She has to be selective with who she allows to impregnate her because she can only pop out so many of these creatures in a lifetime and each baby takes a lot of responsibility, but most of all because the man warriors are not created equal.  Some husbands are more likely to survive a buffalo attack and bring home food so her children don’t starve… re: she wants one that can beat a buffalo in a fight and bring it home for dinner.

Meanwhile men are running around wanting to spread their seed all over the village to carry on their name, so they get aroused every time a sexy maiden with a nice hip to waist ratio walks before them in a raw hide skirt.  Men are programed to want multiple sexual partners, thus creating a bit of tension between the genders.

So biologically speaking the myth is correct.  Men want to hook up and women want relationships.  That said, as a culture we have come a long way since buffalo and rawhide skirts.  In recent years women and men have explored different dynamics of our human psyche and we are not victims of our biology anymore.  Men find themselves happy and satisfied with one woman and women find themselves enjoying multiple partners.

The denying of the female sexuality…… [Continue Reading …]

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Sexual Tension + Chemistry = Attraction

Chemistry happens in the pauses, tension is built in the silence and seduction happens without words… It’s a pregnant pause where eyes meet for longer then necessary, a brush of the finger tips at the right moment, a regular phase spoken with a sexual undertone, a knowing half smile noticed by no one but the girl it was meant for… The question is why to guys spend so much time babbling on about things that mean nothing, thinking this will somehow seduce the woman in front of you? We are taught to think that is how we get to know one another, and that without talking about all this fluff we don’t really connect with another person. This simply isn’t true.

There is some truth to “getting to know” someone on a social level and talking about your likes and dislikes, career, favorite places to go, etc. These things create commonalities that make it easier for us to relate to each other logically. This also serves as an excuse to like someone… You have heard people say “We have so much in common” or “We have nothing in common” as a reason to be attracted to someone or not. A good reason is all it is, but it’s not the cause. Being attracted to them has much less to do with how much you have in common and more to do with chemistry and sexual tension between two people. Think about it. Have there been times you were attracted to someone that was the complete opposite of you, yet there was something magnetic and sexy about that person so you were attracted to them anyway? This happened DESPITE the lack of “commonalities” as we know them. There was something else that you were attracted to.

I was working with a client and my lovely assistant yesterday and we realized there was no access to become attracted to him because he was constantly talking. His energy was chaotic, busy, and all over the place. In the exercise we were doing he was working very hard to ask questions and keep the conversation going in hopes that there would never be an “awkward” pause. He successfully covered all the bases of the things you are supposed to talk about and was a pretty good conversationalist. Turns out despite all his attempts at connecting on subjects that they had in common, he never did connect/create chemistry with her. She said she felt like he was always thinking of the next question he would ask, therefore not really listening to what she was saying. You can only connect with someone in the present moment. Until we learn how to be in two places at once, you cannot be in the present moment and in the future thinking of what to say at the same time. Because of his continuous talking and trying to keep the conversation going there was no sexual tension built in the silences. If he shut up for a second he would not only build some tension but she would also keep the conversation going! Then he wouldn’t have to work so hard.

What actually causes attraction?… [Continue Reading …]

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Pick up lines and approach tips for New Years Eve (and any other night)

First thing you want to do on New Years Eve ( and any other night you go out) is check out the environment you are in.  Knowing the venue, the type of people there, and your environment in general is always important.  Walk around like you own the place and notice what’s happening.  The frame to hold on New Year’s Eve is you are the mayor or the party host of the place and are meeting everyone.  A few key things to be aware of when you arrive are:

See what the guy to girl ratio is:  This lets you know how to most effectively approach girls that you want to talk to… I was out last night in New York I noticed that the guy to girl ratio was like 5:1 which is not very positive for a nice gentleman like your self who wants to meet a lovely lady, or a dude looking to hook up.  Either way… the way to approach a girl in a situation like this is very casual and friendly.  This is not the time to be direct and bust out your crazy line that you read on the internet that probably won’t work anyway.  If the girl thinks you are trying to hit on her you will be like all the other predatory tools that have tried hitting on her already.  Once you establish a connection you can be more direct and sexual, but only after you have befriended her.

Notice and connect with groups of girls you want to talk to:  Do this immediately.  If girls notice you walking around looking lost and being anti social you are seen as lower value then someone who seems to know everyone.  At the same time if girls notice you talking to other women on a casual level this automatically makes you safe and more attractive.  Talk to EVERYONE, not just the hot girls, nothing is more obvious than a guy to goes from group to group of hot girls and annoys everyone else.  I  If you have girls with you or girls you know that’s even better!  If not, just make friendly connections that are non-threatening with everyone.  Smiles, hellos, casual situational comments, are all great things to do as you are initially walking by.  This way when you want to come back later it’s not a cold approach anymore and they feel like they know you a little bit.

Notice the different areas in the venue:  It’s good to know where the bathrooms are, where the different bars are, and whatever other random things there are to see in the club so you can later lead girls you meet around and show her random things, take her to the bar, etc. and introduce her to the people that you met earlier because you were being social!  It always feels good as a woman to have a man who leads you through the night and keeps things interesting.  This will help her not get bored, in addition of course to your winning personality. :)

One thing that you have to remember on New Year’s Eve specifically is that every girl in that bar will be kissing someone at New Year’s and as midnight approaches they will be considering their options… just like you are!  This is the time to be more forward about kissing!  Girls be offended at you mentioning it, in fact you might do them a favor if they are not sure who their New Year’s kiss will be.  No one, absolutely no one wants to be standing alone on this night.  My recommendation is to KISS HER BEFORE midnight and playfully make a “deal” that you will be one another’s New Year’s kiss.

A few pick up lines for New Years:

If the club isn’t over crowded with dudes, it’s ok to be a little more direct… Situational is always easy way to go and you can feel her out before you go more sexual or direct.   Ask her to take a picture of you and your friends or hold your drink while you do it.  Playfully tease her about something you notice about her, preferably not about physical beauty.  (Someone asked me the other day if the rings on my purse were earrings.)  Very random and simple but it started a conversation.

“Hey, I don’t believe I’ve met you yet.”

“Not to be that guy that approaches you in the club but I’m going to be that guy…”

This one is super high energy and direct and takes some juevos to pull off… see it done by my friend Psych of psychofgame.com…

“Alright guys, which one of you ordered a male stripper.”

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